Put on magnetic boots while photon torpedoes fly
Transported o'er to the Klingon ship floating freely in the sky
Chancellor Gorkon, you're a Klingon, if you please
So I'm gonna shoot you in the chest to bring Jim Kirk to his knees

'Cause I'm goin' to Kitomir
The Federation has no clue
Goin' to Kitomir
But make sure first that Kirk gets screwed

Got Jim Kirk convicted of shooting Gorkon needlessly
Had him sent to Rura Pentee just to keep my own nose clean
But Captain Spock was very sneaky. He found Kirk and Bones outside
And Mortea, whom we'd sent to do Kirk in,
   was the one who'd wind up fried

Now I'm goin' to Kitomir
The Federation has no clue
Goin' to Kitomir
But try to make sure first that Kirk gets screwed

(bridge)
We had cloaked ships all around him
Plots and subplots filled the air
But Spock and Sulu got together
And they saved his derriere
So now I'm goin' to Kitomir…

Now, Admiral Cartwright played it sneaky, and I tried to play it cool
But they brought Spock round to see me, and a mind-meld you can't fool
Dammit, Jim, we almost made it, but you had to mess it up
And once more you've saved the galaxy…I think I will throw up

And now I'm goin' to Kitomir
The Federation had no clue
But now I'm goin' to Kitomir
And of course now I'm the one who wound up screwed

Yeah, we put on magnetic boots, but it didn't help at all
Kirk is still a hero and signed up for the sequel due next fall
With some old, bald, English guy from France
   In a sequel due next fall…

"What the heck IS it with you, anyway?"